Monica decided on using a practice that had the option of having a midwife for your pregnancy. She liked the idea of receiving a more personalized experience rather than having a ridiculously busy physician rushing her in and out of appointments. With this particular practice there were several midwives and several physicians. If you pregnancy becomes high risk then you are automatically switched from a midwife to a doctor.
When we walk into the Dr.'s office, it is always a crap-shoot. You don't know if you are going to get the sweet receptionist, or if you are going to get the sassy black lady who is apparently the busiest lady alive. Approaching the sign-in desk can be intimidating.
Once we are past the receptionist we move into the waiting room which is a real slice of life. You have people of all ages, races, religions, and socioeconomic backgrounds. This area of Florida is a little bit more diverse than the Suburgatories of the Midwest. I unfortunately had to overhear many conversations about medicaid and babies daddies in this room. My favorite situation was the young woman who just moved to Florida at 36 weeks pregnant (not to be judgmental but....good idea). She no doubt came straight from one of Florida's most luxurious trailer parks to the office with her boyfriend and her grandma. Without any sort of appointment or notice of her impending arrival, she began randomly cursing out the staff for not seeing her ASAP and condemning the entire state of Florida for not accepting her Medicaid from the state of Missouri. The situation was so random and irrational I thought I was on a reality TV show or Candid Camera. So from that point on was completely sympathetic with sassy black receptionista lady.
Altogether, the midwives have been great and Monica has enjoyed her experience so far. Each Midwife has there own interesting persona. There is the goofy little Jewish lady with a thick accent who is seemingly on speed. Also, there is the laid back blond beach midwife who seems to be too calm. Then there is the relaxed and realistic midwife who has grown kids and seen it all in her personal and professional life. However, there was one particular appointment when we got stuck with the nurse practitioner, whom undisclosed to us, was known as the "Weight Nazi" by the other midwives. This NP set me up for a disastrous day and I will forever blame her for the incident.
In the examination room, I sat and stared curiously as I always do at the various stainless steel medical instruments used for poking and prodding women in wonder. I cringe and think to myself, "ooh where do they stick that? That looks like it hurts like hell." Then the NP walked in to examine my wife. Now mind you, Monica is looking pretty damn good and feeling good about herself at this point. She was only 104 pounds at the start of pregnancy and she had gained about 30 lbs. at this point (which is a typical average at this point of pregnancy).
The NP goes through the regular procedures and check ups with my wife as I enjoy a lovely game of Words with Friends. Then came the shock and awe phase of the exam. The NP said, "you know Monica, you might want to start watching your weight." In my mind I am thinking this is regular and I don't think anything of it at first....then I saw Monica's face. In shock and concern, Monica said, "what should I do? How should I..." The Weight Nazi went on to say, "instead of having a bunch of cake, just have a half a piece".
WHAT??????????? Did she just say that? As you can imagine the rest of the day was spent focusing and contemplating this issue. It was the center of attention up until the next appointment. I had no idea of how to address this issue. In one of my failed attempts to say something of substance to cool the issue I made the mistake of saying, "well maybe we should just watch what we eat for a little bit". This was followed by ridicule that I blame "Weight Nazi" for completely. In the end, upon returning the following week for a next appointment, my wife immediately brought up this issue to laid back blonde beach midwife. She informed us of the NP's status as the practice's only member of the Weight Watcher's Third Reich and to not worry about the very standard amount of weight gain. She said to eat the entire piece of cake next time. So on the way home from that appointment I took my lovely wife for some orange soft serve at the local Orange Grove.
37 weeks today!!!!
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